My Thoughts

I am a total scatterbrain today. I was thinking of things that I could write about today, and there is just way too much. So I decided that I would just write down everything that I have been thinking about lately and write some of my feelings on those thoughts. Just so that I can capture this time in my life.

First of all, no one reads my blog anymore! I have thirty friends and family listed on my blog, that I visit everyday. But I must not be high on the priority list i guess or something. But I've kinda liked it lately because I know that no one is going to read it anyways, so i dont have to think about what others are going to think about what i'm writing. But i do this for me and only me. I want to remember my high school era when I am old and wrinkly. and when I have the option to write in my journal or on my blog, I choose my blog because it is way faster to type then to write. But don't worry, I do write in my journal. anyways, but now i feel like i'm just talking to myself, so i'll stop now. haha

Now I want to tell of my feelings of Valentines day. I know when I am in my twenties and newly married, I will just laugh at this, but i want to capture these feelings that I have, cuz i have a suspision that this may be the last "singles awareness day" for me. :) But Valentines day is the worst day on this planet for those that are single. don't deny it. when you are single, you dont get one single thing on valentines day. when you see all the girls getting teddy bears and jewelry and chocolate(which i'm not jealous about at all.) and all that fun stuff. and you look at yourself and you have nothing. its not the fact that i am not getting anything, its just the big magnifying glass in front of you that is emphasizing the fact that you are single and no one loves you. haha. I know i sound pretty bitter about this whole thing... but its what i feel. lol I just hope today goes by really fast, and that i can keep myself busy enough because if i have any time at all, I will think about it, and the water works will come! So this is another reason why I am blogging at this moment in the day. But this morning i had the wonderful opportunity to have the Hamiltons come over and wish me a happy valentines day because they knew how i was feeling today. It made my day. they made a really cute card for me, and i got a manicure set and a cute hair flower. i loved it.

Other thoughts...I now know why I am so shy, held back, and not open when I date. Every single time, I finally let my guard down and I feel comfortable, he walks away, leaving me hanging from the branches of the big oak tree that I used to me. Its so hard, to be involved, but know in the back of your mind knowing that this is all a waste of time. I will admit it, I am extremely bitter toward the male sex right now. They are all driving me insane. I know its just a phase that I am in right now, but I know I needed it because I have learned alot from it. But seriously. The male ego is as big as the sky sometimes, and often times they down realize that their sky is pouring down on the female sand grain egos, and destroying our confidence even more. Thats what I have been noticing lately. Guys are too confident and they like to rub that on us. and it seems like they find that enjoyable.

speaking of.. my other thought that i cannot get out of my head. MR. STOUT!! he is the biggest jerk on this planet. He walks into class everyday and tells us how stupid we are, how lazy we are, how much we have dissapointed him, how much the Juniors are better than us, how we're not going to succeed in college and that we are a waste of breath. and don't worry. I am not exaggerating this at all!!! he has said every single one of those things to our faces. I mean I was getting pretty good about putting that through one ear and out the other. because its been almost two years with that guy. but Thursday, in class, it just really got to me. I tried my best to not cry in class, and I got teary eyed a few times, and i think he noticed, but i just cried my eyes out the second I stepped out of his classroom. my next class was french with my favorite teacher. Madame Bledsoe. she asked me what was wrong, i told her, and she gave me a huge hug and told me what i needed to hear, because she knows how to deal with that guy too. it made me feel so much better. then i went to lunch with Melanie and i just screamed and yelled and told her everything that I thought about that guy, and i'm sure i made no sense at all, but she just listened to me, and just let me go!! haha. thanks girl!! and the worst part about the whole thing. HE FINDS PLEASURE IN TELLING US THAT STUFF!!! he sits there are laughs and laughs and laughs like an evil witch, while the whole class just stares at him in dead silence. He will tell the kids in the back, "I'm going to go back there and pummel your heads right off your neck." and just smile like he owns us, and then laugh and laugh. its the worst feeling in the world. but, i have to deal with him for the rest of the school year, and I have his class on Tuesday, so... hes the biggest angel in the world! ugh.

i think its time for some of my happy thoughts. :) haha. so on Tuesday I came home from 1 and I wanted to get on the computer like I usually do, but mom was on it and was going to be on it for a while because she was dong her bills. I had absolutely no homework that day and the next day. and I didnt know what to do. So I went up to my room and just decided to clean my room. I cleaned top to bottom. and rearranged all of my furniture. I loved it. I finished about 5. So since then I have been able to keep my room clean and I love it so much. It always puts me in a great mood when I clean. and I am happy when I go in my room because it is so CLEAN!!! I could go on and on about all the things that I happy for cleaning my room. I sleep so much better, I'm happier at home, I have something to do now, I am more organized, it is helping me to prepare for college, I have found things that I have been looking for, I have gotten rid of alot of unnecessary things that I had, and so on. anyways. so it was good to get that done.

But, now I can't think of anything else to write about because I'm getting bored of this. So I will write this much right now. and I know for a fact I will be back on in a few hours, because I hate valentines day and I am doing absolutely nothing today and I hate every minute of it. I'm not in a good mood right now. So i will resort to the computer and then get bored and write some more. haha. I'm so predictable!!